Have I introduced you to D. Emon? I'm not quite sure what the 'D' stands for. He never mentioned.
I've known him for a very long time. I must warn you, if you meet him, that he can be quite... how do I put it? Challenging.
A lot of my close friends and family don't enjoy his company. He shows up uninvited quite often and can be very persuasive with his point of views. He rarely takes mine into consideration. Let's just say he's not afraid to hurt your feelings.
One time, he convinced me that I really didn't deserve my close friends and family. Another time, he screamed at me in Topshop for looking terrible in some high waisted skinny jeans. I recall him saying, 'God you're fat, those kind of clothes only look good on certain types of figures, which you clearly don't have!'. "You have to lose weight". Even the dressing room assistant looked startled by my reaction. I remember when we left that day I felt deflated. To be fair to him though he did change the conversation on the journey home. He pointed out that my reflection in the overhead mirror was spotty, pale and that my hair was in desperate need of bleaching.
"Always peroxide over natural. Guys won't be interested in mousy hair tones"
At least we'd moved on from my stomach rolls, bingo wings and jiggly thighs.
Friends and family often ask me why I put up with D.
Dad constantly tells me where I should tell him to go. Mum sits and strokes my back trying to coerce me to move on and find someone nicer. The truth is I actually don't like him. But don't say that loudly, it only makes him worse.
I can't imagine a life without him. He shows up, sometimes when I'm already feeling a bit stressed or out of sorts. He likes to stir the pot up some more. The worst is when he shows up during something wonderful.
Dancing with friends, having some house wine at the local pub, naked in the arms of someone I love, or simply while I entertain my cat with another ball of wool.
He's greedy and he can't take the hint. He gorges on my happiness leaving very little, if any, behind for me. Numb, emotionless, bored are my usual daily stances.
But, I think I might be his only friend. I can't just leave someone to be all on their own. That would be cruel. Although rumour has it he also goes to visit others now and again. So I might not be the only one. He just needs a friend, and I think he sees me in that way. I wish the feeling was mutual.
There are positives to him though, don't get me wrong.
He makes me tolerant, patient, kind and understanding of others, and I have mastered the skill of acting because of him.
Each day I perform for everyone.
She's someone I've invented. I think. Her name's Flissie and she's upbeat, sociable, and very smiley. Bright blonde hair, big blue eyes, someone who couldn't possibly be sad.... you get the picture.
He can get quite shy, so I doubt I will be able to introduce you properly. Only I can really speak to him. The closest anybody has gotten is when I'm overwhelmed and hyperventilating.
I think he uses my breathlessness as a way of muting me, to get his own selfish words out.
He's strong. I have to be clever and inventive with my defence and coping strategies. Heaven forbid he works those out!
I'm tired, lonely, and desperate for change..
* Knock Knock*
I have to go D Emon's at the door. It would be rude not to answer. After all, I'm his only friend.